I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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