You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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