YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
