i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
