CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
