If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
