that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
