I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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