Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she told me i tasted like america
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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