I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
