i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
