smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
