I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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