How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
