I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
