I could make wine with my vomit
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
