shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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