I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
