well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
