genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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