I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
