ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
