I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
