you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
