I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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