We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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