She said her name was "party"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
