I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
