the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
