apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
