this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
