even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
