I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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