Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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