i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
