after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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