Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
