last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
