I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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