I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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