You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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