do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
