How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
