Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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