just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
