Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
