You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
