Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Floor bacon is actually really good
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
