Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
