Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
