EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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