i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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