Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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