I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
