she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
